A Fashion Virgin Learns the Rules of the Runway

Last weekend, I attended my first fashion show. I was assigned to review the collection of Costello Tagliapietra, a New York-based designer duo that, according to my Internet research, burst onto the fashion scene in 2005.

Although my fashion expertise includes little more than my mom’s subscription to InStyle magazine, I figured the high-waisted belt I borrowed from a friend would be enough to help me blend in with the glamorous spectators at Fashion Week.

Whether or not I looked the part, it became abundantly clear upon my arrival at the Altman Building—one of Fashion Week’s many satellite locations—that I had no idea what I was doing.

Instead of compiling notes on the clothes the models strutted down the runway, I was much more interested in the spectacle that surrounded the main event. To that end, I have compiled a list of bizarre elements of this particular fashion show, with the hope that perhaps they will prepare any future out-of-place bystander for the circus that awaits.

1. Expect advertising—at least until the economy improves.

Fashion show sponsorships have apparently become ubiquitous in these harsh economic times, so expect to be greeted by luxurious spreads of Budweiser, Evian, or POM juice. The less-than-subtle product placement and flawless lighting might look a lot like a scene from Gossip Girl. And although I was afraid to approach any of the tables for fear of coughing up cash, don’t be afraid to quench your thirst. The best thing about sponsors? They give away their products for free.

2. Not everyone is created equal.

You might assume snagging a ticket to a fashion show is all you need to rub shoulders with B-list actresses and reality TV show stars. But be advised: fashion show producers do their best to retain social divisions even inside the warehouses and tents. If you get a ticket for “standing only,” you’ll be pleasantly but firmly guided to your place behind the risers. While it’s difficult to see the models from the waist down as they strut across the runway, you will get an excellent view of their hairstyles.

3. Awkward interactions abound.

If you think stilted McBain elevator chat is awkward, just try eavesdropping on members of a fashion show audience. Just enough people seem to know one other that everyone feels compelled to introduce everyone else, but no one seems to know what to say. These interactions are the college “do-you-know-so-and-so” game on a massive scale. Instead of tossing around names from a Boston suburb or UPenn, these people try to find mutual friends within the entire city of New York. And the most bizarre part is, from what I was able to overhear, some of them actually manage to do it.

4. You are going to be left wanting more.

The most surprising element of my fashion show excursion was undoubtedly its duration. I got to the show half an hour early, only to find that it started half an hour late. And as it turned out, I would spend more than five times as long waiting for the show to start than I would actually watching it. Although I didn’t time it exactly, my best estimation of the show’s length is about 10 minutes. I kind of wish I had known that a fashion show is more like watching a comet whiz by than it is ruminating on the beauty of the stars. Maybe then I would have paid more attention to the clothes.