Another year, another milestone

Graduation bleachers are beginning to be assembled. For the past three years, I have always noted this time—it marks the end. I’ve wondered how the graduating seniors feel about their upcoming milestone: Are they nervous, excited, depressed? I never really thought about what it would feel like to actually graduate, to say goodbye to a chapter of my life and farewell to a place I’ve called home. The truth is, now that it’s here, I don’t know what to think.

When I think back to how much I’ve done, the wonderful friendships I’ve developed, how many classes I’ve taken, events I’ve participated in, internships I’ve had—it seems like a long time. But somehow I still manage to feel like college has flown by. Move-in day freshman year feels like yesterday. I can still recall what I was wearing and how nervous I was. I was mostly nervous about beginning a new, unknown part of my life. Oh, wait! That’s exactly how I feel right now.

There have been times in recent months where I’ve panicked, thinking, “I’ll never be able to take X class, or maybe I should have been more involved in Y.” The mere thought of writing more 20-page papers and taking more exams is usually enough to snap me out of it, but it is hard to look back without having any regrets. All in all, I’m happy with my college career and am confident that the woman graduating on May 17 is much better equipped to take on the world than the girl moving into college four years ago.

It’s difficult to visualize actually living in the “real world,” as my friends and I have taken to calling life after graduation. It’s scary. Exciting, but scary. The possibilities do seem endless, due, in great part, to the opportunities afforded to us as college graduates. For many of us, this is the first time we will have total control over what we choose to do and which path we take. As worried about graduating as some of us may be, the way we look back on how we felt when we came to college will one day be the way we remember how we’re feeling now. We did it, and our nerves will surely dissipate as we settle into life after college.

No one person’s college experience is the same as another’s, but for everyone, college is about growth. It’s not just about academics, as important as they are. It’s about challenging yourself to take risks and expand your worldview. It’s about independence and growing up. Looking back on my senior-year-of-high-school self, I can see how much I have grown. The changes have been subtle but marked.

One of the more significant changes, for most of us, is that our definition of home changes. I can still remember the first time I referred to my college dorm room as “home.” I was completely taken aback and felt a bit sad. I didn’t know if I was ready to separate myself from the life I had lived for the past 18 years. With time, I adjusted to having two homes, one in Boston and one in New York. My family and high school friends became the people I would have to explain the goings on of my daily life to, and my college friends were present with me in my day-to-day life. I missed my family, but as I spent less time in my childhood home, I felt increasingly comfortable with the life I was building in college, and I relished the independence. Making my own schedule and being able to pursue my interests gave me confidence and motivation not only to work hard, but to enjoy life.

It’s hard to sum up four full years of wonderful experiences, ups and downs, and important milestones in one word: college. But that’s what it will become when I look back. As anxious as I am, I’m excited to see what my future holds.

As this is my last column, I want to thank you for reading, commenting, and challenging me to be better, and thank you to everyone who made my college experience so meaningful.

Alexandra Katz is a Barnard College senior majoring in political science. Umm, Excuse Me runs alternate Thursdays.